The Torch Ratings — 2007 VMA Edition

Even if you hadn’t watched the VMAs Sunday night, you’ve heard about the fiasco. But there were some encouraging moments too.

Torch ratings go from a scale of -5 to +5, with -5 being abysmal behavior and no f**king balls and +5 being completely courageous in making a sincere point on behalf of the hip-hop generation.

Here they are, from worst to best.

BRITNEY SPEARS: -4




Britney Spears has been getting by on her skin privilege for years. On Sunday, this non-talent was finally naked for the world to see. Let this be the last time that more deserving performers get bumped for her ass.


KANYE WEST: -1





Really, Kanye. Who gives f**k about a goddamn Moonman?


TIMBALAND: 0




This was the super-producer’s finest year, and should have been his night by default, but Timbo awkwardly insinuated himself into his artists' finest moments. And is the new "Maestro" title mandatory like “The King of Pop” or “The King of all Media”?


RIHANNA: +2





For being a class act and paying a visit to the rockers’ suite.


CHRIS BROWN: +3




A star is born.


JUSTIN: +4





For telling MTV to cut the shit.


TOMMY LEE & KID ROCK: +5





For giving us pundits some fresh bad-white-rocker behavior to reference the next time Bill O’Reilly needs a comment. HONORABLE MENTION: JAMEY FOXX & SEAN COMBS for perfectly encapsulating that shit.

Aiight, kids. Get back out there, and remember to hold the torch.